Fighting food

I can't believe how much my outlook on food has changed since becoming great with child. Eating has become the biggest ordeal.

What will I eat? What can I eat? What sounds good? What have I not thrown up recently? (Something about seeing food come back up makes it really difficult to swallow that same food down later. I.e. yogurt, tomato soup, babybell cheese, Taco Bell, mashed potatoes.)

Before getting pregnant I was always struggling with dieting. Not any no carb thing or really specific plan. I was just working really hard to eat the right amount of the right foods and count my calories to ensure I wasn't eating too much. However, my 'diet' often diminished into "I'm watching TV and I'm bored I'm going to get a snack...and another snack....and another snack" until all of a sudden I've eaten so much food that I'm incredibly full and don't even want to figure out how many calories that was.

Now it's more like:
Chris- what do you want to eat?
Jocelyn- I don't know...
Chris- do you want A, B, or C?
Jocelyn- no. None of that sounds good.
Chris- how about you try and eat some D.
Jocelyn- ok, I guess I can try that

Then I get whatever food D is and I stare at it. I move it around with my fork. I take a tiny nibble. I gag. And then I tell Chris I'm done and feel miserable.

Eating is such a chore. I don't enjoy any aspect of it. I wish I could just get all my nutrients through some sort of feeding tube inserted directly into my stomach so I don't actually have to eat. That would be nice.

Maybe by the time I get to month four I'll actually want to eat. But the way things are going I won't have to worry about gaining too much extra weight.

What have your food experiences been like in pregnancy?

There's really a baby in there!

Up until this point I have had a sinking suspicion that I'm not really pregnant. That suspicion has only gotten stronger since we told our families that we're expecting. I was so nervous that now that we had made the announcement to the world, it would turn out that my body was just making those pregnancy symptoms since I wanted to be pregnant so bad. Well today, I learned that those three pregnancy tests I took weren't lying.

I had my first doctor's appointment today! It started off by the dreaded, "Here, pee into this cup." Of course the one time that I'm being asked to pee, my bladder is empty. Some how I mustered up a little something and in the process, peed all over my hand.  Does anyone ever do those things without getting pee all over themselves?? But that pee led my doctor to assure my that, yes I am pregnant.

I spent the rest of the day getting poked and prodded and probed. I feel so violated. I've been feeling sharp pains in my stomach which I read were due to my uterus growing, but the doctor seemed a little concerned, so she sent me to get some blood work and an ultrasound.

Unfortunately I had to get both the blood work and the ultrasound at two different places (also different from my doctor's office). But before that, my doctor sent me to get some possible remedies for this insatiable nausea. So instead of filling the prescription my doctor gave me, since I want to try and not use any drugs, I get to wear these cute little wristbands:

I'm lying. They're not cute. Mine are black and they look like sweatbands and I look like a tard and I'm not even sure they're working. They're made for sea sickness or motion sickness but in theory they should work for morning sickness too. The idea is that the little white plastic thing pushes a pressure point (acupressure) that relieves nausea. I think my nausea has gone from an 8 to a 3 but it's still not gone. We'll see if I'm able to go to work tomorrow.

The doctor also said that it's good to eat whatever sounds good to me, because I need food. And then she turned to Chris and said, "So give her whatever she wants."

So after our appointment, we went to McDonald's and I helped myself to a double cheeseburger and fries, which actually sounded good at the time.

Then we headed to get blood work, and after that the hospital for my ultra sound. I've never had an ultra sound so that was an experience all on it's own. For the most part the technician was looking at my uterus and organs and whatnot, nothing too interesting. Chris was absolutely enthralled which made her laugh because she wasn't looking at anything.

But then she turned the screen so I could see, and what I saw was the cutest little blob I have ever seen and a flickering spec that turned out to be the heartbeat.

There is it! My cute little blob!

Okay, I know there isn't much to look at, but to me it's incredible! That little blob is actually a growing baby, in my belly!!!

I'm just praying that everything is okay and that the doctor has good news when she looks at all my lab results. I want that little blob to keep growing into a cute, strong, healthy baby.

If there were ever a time for carbs...

I. Cant. Eat. Anything. Not that I'm puking up everything I eat, I just have zero appetite, overwhelming nausea, and a loud, obnoxious, and frequent gag reflex. I almost would prefer to be throwing up, maybe that would offer me some solace.

I was surprised to learn that even if I'm not puking, it's still called morning sickness. And what a joke that is. I might actually be able to function if this nausea only lasted during the morning hours. But no, I've been feeling the awful pain for three days now and it hasn't stopped since it started.

I'm freaking out, and I'm sick of being sick! What if the baby isn't getting enough nutrients because it's hard for me to eat anything besides dry frosted flakes. I should probably stop worrying and start eating.

The only thing that I feel like I can eat is bland carbs. Rice, mashed potatoes, english muffins, bread. It seems to help me feel a little better when my stomach isn't empty. But still, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to walk from one side of my room to the other.

Poor Chris is starting to feel like my hand maid and I feel awful about it...well sort of. If I was feeling better, I would really enjoy all this service I'm getting.

Worst of all is that at this time when we should be saving every last penny to prepare for our upcoming itty bitty, I have a really hard time going to work. All I have to do at work is sit at a stool and sell tram tickets and smile on occasion. And yet, even that is seeming impossible.

Well here's to hoping that this nausea doesn't remain an ever presence in my life for the next three months.